Imposter Syndrome
Learning to get out of your own way
“Who do you think you are?”
It’s a question we constantly ask ourselves.
It’s a question that suggests we do not belong and takes us to task for even daring to believe we could.
It’s a question we need to banish. You are strong. And you belong.
Many of us - especially working women in the law - have internalized the message that we simply shouldn’t be here. It has seeped into our psyche despite the fact that we are high achievers. That’s what imposter syndrome is…this feeling that we don’t belong...that we aren’t good enough...and someday soon...our peers, supervisors, judges...whomever are going to find out.
Our inner critic asks us this question so that we will bow out and preserve our dignity and self-respect, or work ourselves to the bone to prove to ourselves and others that we do in fact belong and that we are good enough.
The problem with this is that no amount of work or success alone can ever make you feel good enough or create a sense of belonging. Those feelings come from your own thoughts and not external circumstances.
That said, feeling a sense of belonging and connection is absolutely essential to all human beings. That is why the fear underpinning imposter syndrome is so insidious. The thing is that as social animals, belonging and connection is a biological drive.
In the early days of human existence, not belonging meant certain death. If we were shunned from our human community, there was no chance for survival. We still carry this need for belonging in our modern brain.
Think about it. Why is public speaking the number one fear of humans? The fear of humiliation. The fear of being shunned.
That fear, dread, and anxiety tells us to stop what we are doing. It tells us to make ourselves small so we will disappear into the crowd. It tells us to stick with the status quo. But the fear, dread, and anxiety is also an opportunity. It allows us to demonstrate bravery, courage, and trains our brains that the discomfort of these feelings is not deadly. It is an opportunity for growth.
Imposter syndrome is more than just experiencing acute periods of performance anxiety. It can rear its ugly head in all aspects of our personal and professional lives. It can be that inner critic saying “who do you think you are?”
But ask yourself this in a different tone. Who do you think you are? Remember...we are who we think we are. Every aspect of what we think is our personality is really our thoughts, feelings, actions and results. We may think “this is just the way I am,” but I challenge you to consider that that is just a thought.
That inner critic chiding you with “who do you think you are?” Is trying to stop you from growth. It’s trying to stifle you from deciding to choose discomfort over stagnation.
It’s okay to be afraid. It’s okay to acknowledge that we have an inner critic. But remember. That inner critic is only thoughts. Your thoughts are not always true, and you never have to believe them. Our inner critic knows all of the stories we tell ourselves and all of our belief systems. And they are all just that - stories and beliefs. Not facts. Not true.
That means we can stop believing them and start believing new ones. It means we can ask ourselves, as Byron Katie urges us to, Who would I be without my story? I can be a totally new person.
I know it sounds very daunting, but starting by questioning our stories and our beliefs, even the most deeply held ones can be extremely liberating.
Here’s to a new belief system to practice: I am courageous. I am strong. I can do hard things. I am open to feeling discomfort.
It’s a process. It won’t come overnight. Your inner critic will keep popping up, offering you old belief systems and stories. But you do not have to believe her. With time, you and your stories and beliefs change.
